My home left on a plane today

My love just went away again. Back to alone.
I still can kind of smell his cologne on my pillow and a few of his hairs were left on my sink.
My love just went away again. Back to business and numbers and sense.
Back to rational clothing and normal talk and no, absolutely no, kissing.
My love went away on a plane. He hasn’t landed anywhere yet, which means he’s in the sky, the most far away.
Regardless, I am on the coast, just two miles from falling off into the ocean.
If I were two miles from falling off into the Atlantic, I would be closer.
We don’t know when we’ll see each other again.
I bought flowers to spruce up my bedroom. Two days and they’re already drooping.
I’m withering a bit, too, I’m afraid. Probably that Pacific salt wind smacking me on the face.
The absence in my room is palpable. Unnervingly palpable, in fact. The sheets are mangled to fit two on my bed.
I spread my small body across the space. Totally insufficient.
Here I am back to alone. So I ball up with a good book. I date books now, in case you weren’t aware.
My love just went away again. I pretend not to care.
A resounding ache attacks my throat while three tears hit the page.
Back to alone.

My love just went away again. The absence is unnerving.
How can one person make a place two miles from falling off into the ocean feel so safe?
I am quickly realizing, my home left on a plane today.
Is it reckless to live this far from everything I know?
Is there truly not a place closer I could go?
My love just went away again. We are together so few times a year.
When did everything become so much more important?
I have thought upon it quite a bit, and I am certain, I could pack everything up in three panicked hours.
Strip the bed, fold the clothes, throw away the fucking flowers.
Would I like myself anywhere? Would I like myself for leaving?
My love just went away again. Back to these thoughts. Back to finding the meaning.
Back to late nights with damp books.
Back to wondering why I’m just two miles from falling off into the wrong ocean.